Death was Your Best Gift

I was sweeping my front porch when I got the call. 

At 2:30 in the afternoon yesterday, you had the Best Day of your life. 

And we’re devastated. 
The air left my lungs and my head spun as your name swirled through my brain- someone was telling me you were Gone. 

It hurt and the pain sank in my chest as I reached out to friends we were close to- begging them for prayers of peace and comfort for your family left behind here without you. 

My eyes were hot and my throat ached as I came inside to tell the kids your News. It was when I sat down in my living room- the same place you’d always sit on Fridays for our Bible Class- it was THEN that I really lost it. Picturing you, sitting right there where a kiddo was snuggled under a blanket and knowing that you’d never drink coffee in my kitchen again broke me on a level I can’t explain. My heart has a hole in it. 

But yesterday- you left me with a Gift.

Because instead of staying there, in our tears and in our pain- YOU LET US WORSHIP. You let us praise Him in our grief for the Promise of salvation that you had just laid hold of hours earlier. You gave me another chance to teach my kids The Gospel in it’s most intended way. YOU LET THEM EXPERIENCE HOPE. As they stopped, and thought, and listened to me explain to them His Plan for death, and the Victory we’ve been given through it- the room changed. The heaviness lifted. Our spirits lightened. 

We began to laugh as we spoke of you. In Heaven. With Jesus. RIGHT NOW. Imagining what amazing comfort and perfection you were seeing. Wondering who else was there with you. If you had seen King David or Abraham or Martha yet. (The kids have questions by the way. We should start making a list.) 

We talked about how much God loves you. How glad He must have been to welcome you Home yesterday afternoon. And how, when we become Christians WE GET TO MEET YOU THERE. To have someone they know leave, and to watch them realize that they’ll get to see them again BY FOLLOWING IN THE PATH YOU MADE- that’s the greatest gift you’ve ever given. 

My kids know you are waiting for them. And they can’t wait to see you again. Thank you for giving me the gift of The Gospel through your life and service and dedication to Christ. 

We are broken for your family left behind. We are hollow and shattered. Our lives are irreparably fractured by our loss. We will comfort and care for your family here. We will make sure they don’t walk alone. But we will rejoice with you- knowing that this isn’t goodbye. It’s “Come and meet me here.” 

And that’s the kind of gift I want to give someday, too. 

Remember Memory Verses?

Growing up, on Sunday morning my palms would sweat like crazy. 

Because we had to recite our weekly Bible verse IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE CONGREGATION. When Sunday School was over and before worship would begin, our teachers would walk us into the auditorium and we’d sit as classes on several of the front pews. Our awesome preacher (my Dad, wink) would call everyone’s attention and then we would stand up AND TURN TO FACE ALL THE ADULT PEOPLE and repeat that week’s memory verse aloud. Sweet merciful heavens I’m pretty sure that’s what gave me my first ulcer. 

But not really. 
Just almost. 

What is it about Bible classes for kids and memory verse recitations? I mean, I’m a teacher now and my kiddos get one every week. Still. And all these years later, I’ve come full circle in the Verse Memorization Cycle. 

AND I THINK IT IS FANTASTIC. 

“Incline your ear to hear the words of the wise,
And apply your mind to My knowledge;
For it will be pleasant if you keep them within you,
That they may be ready on your lips. 
SO THAT YOUR TRUST MAY BE IN THE LORD,
I have taught you today, even you.” 
Proverbs 22:17-19
(emphasis mine. Obvs.) 

When did WE, as adults stop learning memory verses? I mean, LOOK AT VERSE 19. The whole point of studying and learning and reciting and remembering is that He wants us to use that to BUILD OUR TRUST IN HIM. 

When is the last time I memorized a new verse? 
::gulp:: 

I am a HUGE FAN of verses on index cards. And PostIts. In my kitchen. And living room. And bathroom. And pantry. I’m pretty sure I’ve put them in the garage before. Bless. 

Here in our new house the paint is different and tape WILL NOT STICK like it did at our old house. I’ve used some PostIts on doors secured with ticky tack and removable glue dots but it wasn’t successful so I sort of journaled my new favorite passages and just stopped there. BUT NOT ANY MORE.  I just went into my online grocery buggy and added WASHI TAPE to my list. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that 16 months ago!! 

::face palm::

IT IS ON. 

I am planning on filling my doors and light switches and windows and mirrors again with His word. The ones at the kid’s eye level I’ll print in bigger, more easy to read letters so they can get in on the action too. Matt’s gonna come home again to rooms filled with Sll The Scripture. Maybe I’ll put one in his office! A super mushy one from Song of Solomon. 
::heart eyes::

You see, I’m learning and healing and trusting so much in this season of growth God has placed me in. I am grateful for the lessons and discipline He has put in my path because they’ve made me better. And now it’s high time I bring back my Sunday School Sweaty Palms. Bless my nervous heart. 

Mamas, They Are Watching

Mamas, they are watching us.

Every day.

When our back is turned or we’re washing the dishes or chopping onions or putting away laundry- they’re there. In the bathroom? At the door waiting. Taking out the trash? On your heels? Speaking to an automated telephone system? Always in the background interrupting the prerecorded menu selections.

They see how we spend our time. They peek over our shoulders to look at the Pinterest recipes we save and the funny videos we watch of kittens trying to jump off couches or the Golden Girl GIFs we text our friends. They watch us add items to our online grocery order and delete the 749 Yankee Candle emails that are clogging up our inbox. They see all things, y’all.

But what else do they notice?

This girl has been getting up every morning, spreading out a blanket and gathering every index card and post it note and hilighter she can put her hands on. She grabs her pink Bible, spreads it all out on our living room rug and then asks me to come sit with her so she can study “like you do in the mornings, Mama”.

::heart explosions::

Well, IF THAT DOESN’T PUT THE WEIGHT OF MOTHERHOOD ON MY HEART, nothing will. And sweet merciful heavens, it’s heavy.

She’s hilighted her way through Genesis and John. She’s found some verses in Psalms that she’s copied to help her when she’s having bad dreams or a hard time going to bed at night. She’s reaching out to Him for help because she sees He is the anchor in my life.

Knowing how far reaching our examples are is big stuff, y’all. It’s humbling to know that there are three souls in my house who’s view of the world is being directly and primarily shaped by ME. A woman who forgets laundry in her washing machine for two days and one time thought it would be a great idea to Armor All her car floor mats. It was like driving with your feet in grease.

THIS is why I want to study every morning. This is why I have to spend time in prayer before the kids wake up. Beginning my day with Him ensures me that all the million ways I can mess it up are covered by His Grace. Christ is the only good thing about me. Without Him I’m a hot mess. Let’s be honest- WITH HIM I AM A HOT MESS. It’s just less glaring.


Y’all, I don’t know what 2020 holds for me- but I can tell you that I’m paying a lot closer attention to the path God is laying out for as I walk it this year. And I can’t wait to see where it leads us. 

Forget About The Schedule, Yo.

Are you already lagging behind in your 2020 Bible Reading Plan??
YOU ARE IN GREAT COMPANY! 🥳 

I started my Chronological plan over near the beginning of last year, but studying for our Ladies Group that meets at my house on Fridays (SHAMELESS PLUG- You should come! I fix the coffee. LOTS OF IT.) and working on the kid’s Bible classes on Sundays and Wednesdays this quarter and getting sidetracked with a study our Adult class recently did on angels- I AM STILL IN AUGUST. 

Does this bother me? 
Nope. 
Do I have a rash? 
A fever? 
Unexplained lightheadedness? 
NOT ONE BIT. 

You’re working on more than a reading plan! 
You’re building a RELATIONSHIP with God THROUGH HIS WORD. He doesn’t care if you’re on track HE JUST WANTS TO MEET YOU THERE. So if you’re flustered about your empty check mark boxes- DO NOT DO THAT. Your Momma raised you better than that, bless her heart. 

Just keep at it. Every day. For two days. Then five. Then a week. Fortnight. Month! 

Before you know it you’ll be digging daily into His Word without thinking about it, wondering why on earth you don’t feel anxious anymore. Or why that heaviness in the back of your neck feels better. You’ll fall asleep excited to wake up and drink your coffee with Him. Or to settle in for the night near Him with some peppermint tea, a notebook, hilighter and a Pilot G2 05 pen. 

(There is no better prayer/Bible journal pen out there. THIS PEN IS PERFECT and I will never be otherwise convinced. Not that I’m dramatic or anything.) 

Chin up, friends!! YOU ARE SO GONNA ROCK THIS. And if you’re having a hard time getting started LET ME KNOW and I’ll cheerlead you through it. 

I have pom poms and everything. 

Have a great week, y’all! 

I Got 2020 Vision ::insert pun::

Happy New Year!

Welcome to the fresh Blank Slate God has given us.

Make all the goals.
Make the lists.
Make the changes.
Clean that sticky door in your icebox.

But hear me out: THE MOST IMPORTANT habit could be developing this year is one of daily  Bible study and prayer. I’ve been meeting Him here in the mornings since 2013 and it has foundationally changed me more than ANYTHING ELSE I HAVE EVER DONE.

I don’t care if you exercise.
I don’t care if you eat right.
I care if you’re Feeding Your Soul.

If you need help or encouragement or support to develop this as a part of your life- LET ME KNOW. I’d love to be your Barnabas!

Not sure where to start today??

Proverbs 1. James 1. John 1.  Read one. Or two. OR THE TRIFECTAAAH.

Whatever you pick will bless you. He promises us that.

I can’t wait to follow where He leads me this year. And to watch where He leads you, too! 

The Scandal of Grace

Bless my heart, I’m all over the place in my Bible studies, y’all. 

In my Chronological study, I’m in Ezekiel. For the Intermediate Bible Classes I’m teaching I’m in Genesis. Our Friday Ladies class has me knee deep in Galatians and I’m still wrapping up my morning studies in Proverbs. 

(I use a lot of bookmarks.)

In my digging into Galatians, I’m uncovering a lot of truths I hadn’t really considered. A lot of Big Picture concepts I hadn’t thought about before. IT IS GOOD STUFF. 

A big one is grace. 
It’s HUGE. Monumental, even. 

You see, I woulda been a TOP NOTCH Pharisee. I love lists. Rules. Black and white answers. Boxes to tick. Checklists to scratch off. Concrete, tangible proof of a life lived righteously. The Law would’ve been my JAM. I would’ve carried my Old Testament measuring tape and been SURE AND CERTAIN I never travelled too far on the Sabbath. BLESS MY HEART. 

Gray areas are harder for me. They’re cloudy. Murky. STRESSFUL. Unknown and hard to grasp. I live in a constant guilt-good behavior-screw up cycle (don’t we all) so you can see how relying on intangible things like grace and faith and love for assurance and calm AND SALVATION could be hardish and difficult for me. 

Gimme a turtle dove or a spotless lamb, lemme sacrifice it and be on my way- confident and assured that I’ve done my duty for repentance of sins. Whew. ::scratches it off her To Do list::

It’s really lazy, actually. 

To sit back and allow my life to be covered in things like Christian Hospitality and Good Church Attendance and Daily Bible Study and Active Prayer Life AS A WAY OF WORKING MY WAY TO HEAVEN. Earning my keep. Showing up with a basketful of Good Works. 

When I live my life through a Please Don’t Send Me To Hell I Promise I Will Go To Church Twice A Week attitude- I AM MISSING OUT ON THE MOST SCANDALOUS PART OF THE GOSPEL. 

Grace. 
Plus nothing. 
Just Jesus and what He calls me to be. 

Paul’s whole entire point of Galatians is this one word. He so desperately wanted to free his church family from the bonds of law keeping. To remind them that THE PRICE HAS ALREADY BEEN PAID. To go forward, living righteously not fueled by fear of punishment but propelled by LOVE. (I could write a novel about uncovering this concept. MAYBE I SHOULD.) 

So that’s where I’m growing these days. Out of my Fear Filled Rule Keeping and into Love Fueled Following. I am finding and growing and stretching into so much freedom in this season. I can’t wait to find out where He leads me in 2020. 

Galatians is an amazing book to study. If you’re looking for a place to dive in- here’s my recommendation. 

Have a great week, y’all. 
Open your Bibles. Dig in. You 1000% won’t regret it. 

LOCKDOWN

I know it’ll be hard for y’all to imagine- but our morning today was ROTTEN. 

The kids woke up squabbling. I had a sinus headache. Schoolwork was waiting. The kitchen countertops were mysteriously sticky and somehow a toilet was clogged. 

And it kept building. 

Like a slow boil, everything began to rumble. Voices got louder. Whining was almost unending. My coffee got cold as my temper flared. By the time breakfast was over I was maxed out FOR THE DAY and it was only 7:43am. 

Sick of putting out 57 different fires, I did what any sane homeschool Mom would do: 
I LOCKED US IN MY ROOM. 

I gathered up pencils and workbooks and readers. 
Blankets and pillows and fresh coffee. 
Spelling books. Phonics pages. Perler beads. 

I threw all of it, along with my three homeschool hoodlums and our dog into my room. AND I SHUT THE DOOR.  I sat down and exhaled. Then questioned my sanity as I set out to get everyone stated on SOME SORT of home education.  

(Can we talk for a minute about the weight of schooling three elementary kiddos? There is almost ZERO work they can complete independently because they’re all still pretty young. They are all dealing with long division and subtraction with regrouping and phonics and adding dimes and nickels AND EVERYONE NEEDS HELP WITH ALL THE THINGS ALL THE TIMES. I’m borderline overwhelmed like 97% of my day. Which is why I pray so much and drink a lot of coffee.I digress.) 

I FINALLY got everyone started and the dust settled. I drank some coffee and did some spelling lessons. Then some grammar. Then some phonics. Blankets were spread and pillow piles were climbed. Perler bead patterns were made. 

IT GOT BETTER. 

(It’s like a Hallmark movie. Almost. But not really, bless it.)

Turns out, when I was close to snapping- instead of pushing my kids apart and separating them from each other WHAT WE NEEDED WAS TO BE TOGETHER. Locked down like a jailhouse in one room with nothing but Number 2 pencils for company. Desperate times called for desperate measures, you know? 

I reckon God does the same thing for me. When I’m moody and tired and cranky and depressed I don’t need distance from Him I NEED A HUG. I need Him near me most when I’m my most unlovable. When I’m prickly and testy and wanting to pick fights THAT IS WHEN I NEED TO LOCK MYSELF IN A ROOM WITH HIM. Man, my crew really does get it honestly, don’t they?? 

It might now work for me every time, but today, lockdown was the thing we needed. 
BLESS OUR HEARTS.