I Am The Prince Caspian of Homeschool Moms

Welcome, Prince," said Aslan. "Do you feel yourself sufficient to take up the Kingship of Narnia?" 

"I- I don't think so, Sir," said Caspian. "I'm only a kid." 

"Good," said Aslan. "If you had felt yourself sufficient, it would have been a proof that you were not." ~Prince Caspian, The Chronicles of Narnia

This is me and all my feelings at the beginning of every homeschool year. C.S.Lewis is INSIDE MY BRAIN. Again. He does that a lot. 

 I feel like I should clear the air a little. I am not some especially blessed, insanely patient Christian freak Mom who possesses some untold Mystery of The Universe that bestows upon me some magical qualifications that "enable" me to  homeschool. I mean, I wish there were some magical beans I could consume that would equip me to be some kind of SuperHomeschoolMom but thats just not realistic. Waaaaait- I just described coffee. So scratch that. 

Starting over: Just because we've decided to homeschool doesn't mean I somehow have it all together or that I've got the patience of Job or that I'm somehow superiorly qualified to teach my kids. I do have a degree in education, but let's be real: I haven't referenced a single portfolio case study or childhood psychology textbook or classroom management technique from any of my college classes in my homeschool career so far. Whew. Those binders are still tucked into my attic melting their lives away through every Florida summer. I've you've read any of my previous posts, you'll totally get my current humble state. I'm just a wife and a mom. I'm the most unremarkable woman you'd ever meet. (Secret: I WEAR SHOES THAT ARE ALMOST 15 YEARS OLD and I love them so much. Birkenstock Bostons- you will forever have my unwavering affection.) I use dry shampoo more than I'll ever admit. SO DON'T ASK. 

And while I am painfully ordinary, my Savior isn't. So what it does mean is that, despite the fact that home educating is long and hard and loud and draining and messy and overstimulating and early mornings and late nights and cry sessions behind a locked bathroom door and more coffee than any one human should ever consume- God has used it to make me better. It has broken me down and reshaped me in the best way life ever possibly could. I have had to stop and throw away the broken pieces of my pride and selfishness and inflated ego so often through this homeschooling journey and He has used those moments to refine me. 

Another year will start on Monday and I've been waking up in a panic with a mental To Do List scrolling through my brain at 4:45 every morning this week. There is so much to do. To plan. TO CLEAN. Every year I feel the same feeling: I don't think I can do it. AND I KNOW I CAN NOT DO IT- not without His sustaining care.

 I read Psalm 55 this morning and verse 8 is just my favorite: "Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you..." Bless it, y'all- I need that verse so much in my life right now. I just love that promise. Sustainment. From Him! A continuous filling for the next 10 months is ready and waiting for me to ask for it. And I will. And I already did, actually! Wednesday night I made that long walk up the center aisle and asked our local church family to pray for me as we enter this new school year. I'm not sufficient enough to do this homeschooling thing, but I'm fortunate enough to know Someone who is. 

Here's to everyone beginning a new school year soon- He can help us do it!