I Like You, But We Can't Be Friends.

Ok, so here's the deal. I LIKE PEOPLE. 

Ask any visitor that's every come to our church or any person that's ever dropped off packages on our front porch or the gal who makes my coffee at Starbucks and they'll tell you "That gal likes people. A LOT." ::grin:: 

There are many worship services that end with my husband, Matt taking a kid or two to the car and waiting for me outside while I hang back in the foyer with the rest of them talking and catching up and telling anybody that looks new just exactly where the best local Mexican restaurant is located. (Shout out to Mariachi's in Gulf Breeze! I will love your fajitas and your cheese sauce and your chips until my dying day.) 

Anyway, I like people. All the people. All the visitors and telephone banking representatives and cashiers and bakery associates at our local Walmart. The kids and I make friends just about wherever we go. Maybe it's because we are such a gaggle of hooligans, maybe it's because we just love Jesus so much we can't help it- I'm not sure, but I do know that we love to love folks. 

But just because I love folks, doesn't mean I can be everyone's friend. I can't. 

Years ago, I watched as some friends of ours' marriage ended. They had been married only a short time longer than we had, and because of some doors in their pasts that hadn't stayed closed, infidelity crept in and slowly destroyed their union. It was hard and sad and infuriating and scary to watch happen. I thought to myself "That could've been us. They got married just before we did.".

Their marriage ended because of so many reasons, but the first crack in the dam was through their social media activity. There were connections kept that weakened their vows. Friendships online weakened the one between themselves. Virtual conversations took the place of the communication that should have been happening inside their home. They put more time, energy and effort into building online relationships and they allowed the reality of their own to disintegrate.

Watching a marriage fall apart is one of the hardest, but most convicting things I've ever seen. It brought into check my own priorities and made me realize that getting married is easy, but staying happily married is hard. It takes work and drive and dedication and sacrifice to make your union a lasting and joyful and healthy one. To choose one person to spend the rest of your life with, no matter what comes your way- is a decision based on a covenant you as a couple make with God, and you've got to make a decision to honor that covenant daily. 

I can honestly say that I am married to my best friend. Matt and I are way better together than we ever are apart. We are stronger, more confident, better equipped to face life when we are standing beside one another. And I don't ever want that to change. We've got too many inside jokes, for one thing. Yeah!  

And as much as the deck is stacked against lasting (and happy!) marriages, I am going to work to do everything I can to affair-proof my marriage. I decided that there was an easy step I could take to help safeguard myself from an attack like the one that had happened to our friends. I don't have connections to men on social media. I went through and deleted anyone who wasn't a direct relative of mine and sent them a message  explaining why. (Because rudeness isn't cool, either. Even now, if I get a request on a social media platform, I'll send a message to them explaining my stance on social media boundaries BECAUSE I LIKE PEOPLE.) 

I'm sure it seemed silly and sort of extreme, and maybe it still does, but what matters most to me is maintaining, and protecting, and encouraging growth within my marriage vows. My job is to engage with my husband first and foremost- and if there is an area lurking outside our union that may inhibit that bond, it's my job to seek it out, dig it up and eliminate it. If it were a real, actual thing, I WOULD BURN IT WITH FIRE and sprinkle the ashes around my rose bushes in our front yard. (Because I think I read somewhere that ash is good for the soil. Maybe?? I digress.)

My marriage is for keeps. And like it or not, whatever life throws at us, Matt is stuck with me until the very end. 

(And I may or may not move into his mansion once we get to heaven, too. ::wink::)