*I received an email from a sweet girl in our family who is about 10 years behind me in her life. She's in college (Go girl. Woot, woot!) and can't wait to get married and have babies and stay home with them and raise them to love Jesus and each other. (How she tapped into my family motto, I'm not sure, but I digress.)
I ended up sending her a word vomit covered message of completely unsolicited advice from me as her 10-years-in-the-future-self. Below is a rough transcription.
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I believe, for my life, there has been no higher calling than for me to stay home and love my husband and raise my family and cook them yummy food and teach them to love Jesus and each other, just like you dream to someday do for yours.
I'd like to talk to you a little about how I came to the place I'm in now: staying home with my three young kids, preparing to start teaching them at home and surviving and thriving as a SAHM with a house and a family and a dog and a cat and a tank full of fish and a couple of backyard turtles to love and raise and care for. How I made choices even in college that still affect where I am today. So, if you're interested insome a lot of unsolicited advice, please continue reading...
My first bit of advice: LOVE JESUS. And not just in a "He died on the cross for me so of course I love Him." kind of way. Really love Him because you've actually gotten to know Him. Read through The Gospels and walk with Him. Learn to rely on Him for every single ounce of strength that you'll most certainly come to need when you're raising a small army of preschoolers who can't seem to sleep through the night or make it through a single meal without spilling something or crying.
Because trust me, those days will come. And when you're running on empty and you're cranky and you want to pick a fight with your husband over not wiping off a high chair tray or not dumping the water out of the bath toys, you're going to need to fall back on that relationship you've formed with Christ. Some days, you're just going to need to lean into His grace for the energy and strength and fortitude to make it until bedtime without turning into Cruella De Vil.
And if you haven't started cementing that personal relationship with Him now, it's gonna be monumentally harder (but not impossible!) to form that bond with Jesus when you're sleep deprived and your shirt is schmeared with peanut butter from shoulder to hem and you can't remember the last time you flossed your teeth.
(Please don't judge me.)
Secondly: CREDIT CARDS ARE LEECHES. Hon, if there was a single bit of truth I could give you as a wide eyed 20 year old, it would be to eschew debt. Treat credit cards like they are either the black plague or a really old glass of sweet tea that you've left on your nightstand for 6 straight days in Louisiana. In July. Accruing debt while you are in college is like drilling massive holes into the bottom of you and your husband's future joint checking account. Work your tail off for scholarships. Work on campus. Work off campus. Save all the pennies that you can. (Within reason, of course. Because TacoBell is going to happen. I'm not a dummy. Just eat a Nacho Supreme for me while you're there.) But seriously, getting married without debt and actually having some money in the bank is BANANAS awesome. You should really do it.
**If you've got student loans- use only what you need for the semester. That lagniappe money that's left over is not for clothes or eating out or Starbucks or pedicures. Buy your books and a fresh ream of loose leaf paper and a new fine-tip Bic. Then take the rest and pay it back. Immediately. Then, work like crazy to pay off the remainder of your loans WHILE YOU ARE STILL IN SCHOOL. I had to take out loans for a few semesters. I was newly married and taking full course loads and still managed to pay them off, in full, before each semester was over. It was hard, but I did it. And so.can.you. I believe in you!
Thirdly: DO NOT BUY A BIG HOUSE. When I graduated and went house hunting with my husband, we could have pooled our joint incomes to qualify for a much, much larger mortgage than we needed or wanted. But, we house hunted and mortgage brokered with ONLY my husband's income in our budget.
That gorgeous, adorable house with the hand laid hardwood floor and extra bathrooms and pool and attic recording studio and bubbling fountain beside a gazebo may sound like a dream, but let me tell you, in five years when you've got a newborn (or two or three) screaming like a banshee at the top of their lungs while you're staying home and racking up debt like nobody's business because you can't pay your bills with cash every month, you're going to want to jump off the deep end of that pool you just had to have every month when the mortgage is due.
Fourthly: SAVE YOUR MONEY. I worked for three years after I graduated and before my oldest son was born. During that time, when my paycheck would come in, we would deduct our tithes and offerings, and then put the rest of it in our savings account. No lie. While we were DINKs (dual-income-no-kids), we only lived on my husband's income. So, for the nearly three years that I drew a paycheck teaching we were able to set aside a comfortable nest egg for our future selves and rainy days.
Because, trust me when I say this: RAIN WILL COME. Our house needed new windows. And then a new deck because someone literally fell through our old one. (That was an awkward BBQ, believe.) Then our air conditioner went out. Then we bought a reliable used car. Then we had medical bills. And then, and then, and then… Our nest egg as dwindled a lot lately- but we are still afloat. And, since we have been disciplined in our spending thus far in our 10 (awesome!) years of marriage, we are going to be able to stay that way through these lean years while we build it back up.
So, sweet, lovely, wonderful college girl with wedding and house hunting and baby having dreams- CONGRATULATIONS. Hold on tight to Jesus and throw away those credit card applications. Work your tail off and save your tip money. Spend way less than you make, sock away everything you can- and when the day comes that you'll drive home from the hospital with that precious bundle of joy in your arms, you'll be financially stable enough to stay home with that amazing, sleep depriving miracle God's blessed you with. And, most importantly, you'll be strong enough in your relationship with Jesus to survive the SAHM storms that sometimes come.
Just don't forget to send me a wedding invitation!
Love, Katie
I ended up sending her a word vomit covered message of completely unsolicited advice from me as her 10-years-in-the-future-self. Below is a rough transcription.
And I realize that, for many wives and Mommas, being a full-time SAHM is not a realistic choice for them. There are all sorts of good families out there, this letter is not meant to discount those Mom's whose family dynamic looks different than mine. This is my story.
So this letter, sweet reader, is meant to show you how, even before I was ever married or engaged or even dating my husband, I was making choices that would eventually affect my ability to be able to choose this path that I am walking with my family and how, as a young college girl, I began empowering myself to navigate it.
Hello there, College Gal!
I believe, for my life, there has been no higher calling than for me to stay home and love my husband and raise my family and cook them yummy food and teach them to love Jesus and each other, just like you dream to someday do for yours.
I'd like to talk to you a little about how I came to the place I'm in now: staying home with my three young kids, preparing to start teaching them at home and surviving and thriving as a SAHM with a house and a family and a dog and a cat and a tank full of fish and a couple of backyard turtles to love and raise and care for. How I made choices even in college that still affect where I am today. So, if you're interested in
My first bit of advice: LOVE JESUS. And not just in a "He died on the cross for me so of course I love Him." kind of way. Really love Him because you've actually gotten to know Him. Read through The Gospels and walk with Him. Learn to rely on Him for every single ounce of strength that you'll most certainly come to need when you're raising a small army of preschoolers who can't seem to sleep through the night or make it through a single meal without spilling something or crying.
Because trust me, those days will come. And when you're running on empty and you're cranky and you want to pick a fight with your husband over not wiping off a high chair tray or not dumping the water out of the bath toys, you're going to need to fall back on that relationship you've formed with Christ. Some days, you're just going to need to lean into His grace for the energy and strength and fortitude to make it until bedtime without turning into Cruella De Vil.
And if you haven't started cementing that personal relationship with Him now, it's gonna be monumentally harder (but not impossible!) to form that bond with Jesus when you're sleep deprived and your shirt is schmeared with peanut butter from shoulder to hem and you can't remember the last time you flossed your teeth.
(Please don't judge me.)
Secondly: CREDIT CARDS ARE LEECHES. Hon, if there was a single bit of truth I could give you as a wide eyed 20 year old, it would be to eschew debt. Treat credit cards like they are either the black plague or a really old glass of sweet tea that you've left on your nightstand for 6 straight days in Louisiana. In July. Accruing debt while you are in college is like drilling massive holes into the bottom of you and your husband's future joint checking account. Work your tail off for scholarships. Work on campus. Work off campus. Save all the pennies that you can. (Within reason, of course. Because TacoBell is going to happen. I'm not a dummy. Just eat a Nacho Supreme for me while you're there.) But seriously, getting married without debt and actually having some money in the bank is BANANAS awesome. You should really do it.
**If you've got student loans- use only what you need for the semester. That lagniappe money that's left over is not for clothes or eating out or Starbucks or pedicures. Buy your books and a fresh ream of loose leaf paper and a new fine-tip Bic. Then take the rest and pay it back. Immediately. Then, work like crazy to pay off the remainder of your loans WHILE YOU ARE STILL IN SCHOOL. I had to take out loans for a few semesters. I was newly married and taking full course loads and still managed to pay them off, in full, before each semester was over. It was hard, but I did it. And so.can.you. I believe in you!
Thirdly: DO NOT BUY A BIG HOUSE. When I graduated and went house hunting with my husband, we could have pooled our joint incomes to qualify for a much, much larger mortgage than we needed or wanted. But, we house hunted and mortgage brokered with ONLY my husband's income in our budget.
That gorgeous, adorable house with the hand laid hardwood floor and extra bathrooms and pool and attic recording studio and bubbling fountain beside a gazebo may sound like a dream, but let me tell you, in five years when you've got a newborn (or two or three) screaming like a banshee at the top of their lungs while you're staying home and racking up debt like nobody's business because you can't pay your bills with cash every month, you're going to want to jump off the deep end of that pool you just had to have every month when the mortgage is due.
Fourthly: SAVE YOUR MONEY. I worked for three years after I graduated and before my oldest son was born. During that time, when my paycheck would come in, we would deduct our tithes and offerings, and then put the rest of it in our savings account. No lie. While we were DINKs (dual-income-no-kids), we only lived on my husband's income. So, for the nearly three years that I drew a paycheck teaching we were able to set aside a comfortable nest egg for our future selves and rainy days.
Because, trust me when I say this: RAIN WILL COME. Our house needed new windows. And then a new deck because someone literally fell through our old one. (That was an awkward BBQ, believe.) Then our air conditioner went out. Then we bought a reliable used car. Then we had medical bills. And then, and then, and then… Our nest egg as dwindled a lot lately- but we are still afloat. And, since we have been disciplined in our spending thus far in our 10 (awesome!) years of marriage, we are going to be able to stay that way through these lean years while we build it back up.
So, sweet, lovely, wonderful college girl with wedding and house hunting and baby having dreams- CONGRATULATIONS. Hold on tight to Jesus and throw away those credit card applications. Work your tail off and save your tip money. Spend way less than you make, sock away everything you can- and when the day comes that you'll drive home from the hospital with that precious bundle of joy in your arms, you'll be financially stable enough to stay home with that amazing, sleep depriving miracle God's blessed you with. And, most importantly, you'll be strong enough in your relationship with Jesus to survive the SAHM storms that sometimes come.
Just don't forget to send me a wedding invitation!
Love, Katie
Excellent advice. Good job Katie.
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