I've been praying and marinating and stress eating for nearly a month while I think about how to talk about this. I'm still not super sure I'll be able to adequately express myself even now, but I believe it's time to tell y'all that I'm breaking up with Facebook.
It's just too much, y'all.
Too much self obsession.
Too much time.
Too much self loathing.
Too much distraction.
Too much analyzing what parts of my day I'll capture to share.
Too heavy.
Too posed.
Too cropped out.
Too filtered.
I LOVE MY LIFE!!
I've got an amazing husband and three fantastic kids and a faith in Jesus Christ which grows and molds and refines me more and more everyday. Seriously- I'm winning at ALL THE THINGS right now. (Well, maybe not at sewing or enjoying cardiovascular exercise; but I'm happy to let those slide, bless it.)
I've literally been given the Greatest Days Ever and for me, I realized I wasn't capitalizing on their full potential. I'd limited my time on social media drastically in the recent months, and I'd put in some Marriage Preserving stopgaps from the very beginning- but it was invading my headspace more and more AND MORE than I'd realized.
I was crafting photo captions as I was taking pictures.
I was writing status updates while I was fixing lunches.
I would sit down with my husband after the kids were in bed, most nights it would be the first time I'd seen him ALL DAY, and spend 45 minutes scrolling through random strangers opening oysters to make pearl jewelry that I'd never want or buy INSTEAD OF HANGING OUT WITH HIM. (I mean, come on y'all- those 20 year old episodes of Law and Order we have saved on our DVR- that's riveting stuff.::wink::)
But seriously- I had a moment of self awareness. I realized how much I was allowing my social media feed to affect my heart. How I'd feel when I'd see myself in pictures that were flattering. How I'd feel when I'd see myself in pictures that weren't. How I'd feel when I'd see my friends in pictures that were flattering. How I'd feel when my friends would react (or not! ::gasp::) to things I was posting or sharing. I allowed those emotions to become an undercurrent that propelled me through my day. Good day online? GOOD DAY AT HOME. Gross day online? SO MUCH GROSSNESS IN MY HEAD AND HOUSE.
And I can't do it anymore. I won't do it anymore.
So about three weeks ago- I quit.
I quit checking.
I quit posting.
I quit examining every picture I saw of myself to see if my face looked super round that day.
And y'all- My heart and mind and brain are full of SO MUCH PEACE.
My biggest dilemma has not been about deactivating my personal account (Which will happen shortly. THEY MAKE IT SO DIFFICULT.) but about how to handle Lather, Rinse and Repeat's page. I'm still processing how to move forward on a few areas, to be honest because the encouragement and community I've found there has been phenomenal. PHENOMENAL, Y'ALL. I've got a friend who will step in and Admin for me so that my current posts will still be shared. There's a comment feature at the end of every post (that I moderate) on the blog's website so I will still be able to talk and laugh and be encouraged by everyone, just on a slightly different platform than through social media feeds.
This step is still surprising/not surprising me more and more everyday. It feels so good to exhale and enjoy everyday because it's His gift to me, and not my response to a little blue screen. Bless it all.
It's just too much, y'all.
Too much self obsession.
Too much time.
Too much self loathing.
Too much distraction.
Too much analyzing what parts of my day I'll capture to share.
Too heavy.
Too posed.
Too cropped out.
Too filtered.
I LOVE MY LIFE!!
I've got an amazing husband and three fantastic kids and a faith in Jesus Christ which grows and molds and refines me more and more everyday. Seriously- I'm winning at ALL THE THINGS right now. (Well, maybe not at sewing or enjoying cardiovascular exercise; but I'm happy to let those slide, bless it.)
I've literally been given the Greatest Days Ever and for me, I realized I wasn't capitalizing on their full potential. I'd limited my time on social media drastically in the recent months, and I'd put in some Marriage Preserving stopgaps from the very beginning- but it was invading my headspace more and more AND MORE than I'd realized.
I was crafting photo captions as I was taking pictures.
I was writing status updates while I was fixing lunches.
I would sit down with my husband after the kids were in bed, most nights it would be the first time I'd seen him ALL DAY, and spend 45 minutes scrolling through random strangers opening oysters to make pearl jewelry that I'd never want or buy INSTEAD OF HANGING OUT WITH HIM. (I mean, come on y'all- those 20 year old episodes of Law and Order we have saved on our DVR- that's riveting stuff.::wink::)
But seriously- I had a moment of self awareness. I realized how much I was allowing my social media feed to affect my heart. How I'd feel when I'd see myself in pictures that were flattering. How I'd feel when I'd see myself in pictures that weren't. How I'd feel when I'd see my friends in pictures that were flattering. How I'd feel when my friends would react (or not! ::gasp::) to things I was posting or sharing. I allowed those emotions to become an undercurrent that propelled me through my day. Good day online? GOOD DAY AT HOME. Gross day online? SO MUCH GROSSNESS IN MY HEAD AND HOUSE.
And I can't do it anymore. I won't do it anymore.
So about three weeks ago- I quit.
I quit checking.
I quit posting.
I quit examining every picture I saw of myself to see if my face looked super round that day.
And y'all- My heart and mind and brain are full of SO MUCH PEACE.
My biggest dilemma has not been about deactivating my personal account (Which will happen shortly. THEY MAKE IT SO DIFFICULT.) but about how to handle Lather, Rinse and Repeat's page. I'm still processing how to move forward on a few areas, to be honest because the encouragement and community I've found there has been phenomenal. PHENOMENAL, Y'ALL. I've got a friend who will step in and Admin for me so that my current posts will still be shared. There's a comment feature at the end of every post (that I moderate) on the blog's website so I will still be able to talk and laugh and be encouraged by everyone, just on a slightly different platform than through social media feeds.
This step is still surprising/not surprising me more and more everyday. It feels so good to exhale and enjoy everyday because it's His gift to me, and not my response to a little blue screen. Bless it all.
If you'd like to talk more about my decision or laugh about the fact that I found myself frequently sucked into News Feed video vortexes of people decorating cakes, send me a comment below! Big hugs and big cups of coffee and even bigger prayers~ Katie.
